Monday, September 27, 2010

Another Day The Normal Snags

I look at the stats of those who have been looking at my blog and wonder if any of them have ever encountered CMML or they are just reading it to read it.  I truly hope one person who views this blog has some knowledge of CMML either within their family or a friend and will actually talk to me about their experience. 

Today I made that all important phone call to my CPAS Coordinator to have my dad re-assessed.  Informing her of how things have changed over the course of the past 4 weeks and what I have been able to get from my dad about what is happening, she still informs me he is more than likely not ready to go into a nursing home.  Oh don't we love how the government has so much control.  Again he has to not be able to dress himself, shower, take his meds and be incontinent.  Wow, doesn't this show all of us just how important our seniors are in society. 

She is to call me after the assessment and give me an update.  At least this way I may be prepared for my visit in 5 more days. 

I wonder what ever happened to the dignity of an individual.  I know that my dad is not the only one in this situation.  I know there are other families out their who are or have experienced the same problems that I keep encountering.  So this blog of "feelings of hopelessness" keeps getting redirected back to one main problem. 

Living in the United States people have to realize how lucky they are to have so many services available to them not only for the elderly, but health care in general.  I truly hope it never goes to a socialized system in which the government makes all the calls on how an individual will be treated.  So many I talk to don't think they are.  If only they knew.

My dad is a World War II vet.  He never talked to me a lot about the war.  I can understand that.  Having done a lot of publishing in the past, I remember one book in which vets were interviewed so that excerpts of what it was like during this time could be placed into it.  So many don't want to remember.  So many lives where lost.  I cried when reading letters that had been sent to loved ones, and they never made it back.  My dad gave me his medals to give to my son.  He gave me his army trunk which I have stored away, along with his water canteen and a few other items.  For me these are the precious items in life that although they have no memories of what it was like, they belonged to my dad and mean more to me than anything else.  I am one of the lucky one's in that he lived through this period of time, just not to talk about it.  In Flanders Fields ... may the poppies always bloom and those who were lost, we never lose sight of what they did for our country.

I'm sure those who read this blog wonder at times why I wonder into other personal thoughts. Again, this is not only in an attempt to reach out to those who have dealt with CMML, but also for my children who would never know some of this about their grandparents and I wish it to live on forever. 

In this vast technological world of ours, this is something that hopefully will allow them to help remember their grandparents and who they were.  With so many changes that have happened throughout my mom and dad's life time, they both were very open-minded and tried to keep up with or at least learn what they could about these quickly changing cycles of events.  Many of my friends parents never would or wanted to.  I guess another reason why I love them so much.

I never had an opportunity to get to know more about my grandparents and their lives. Just the basics, but maybe in those times, it was just basic, I don't know.  When my grandmother passed away, all her recipes where thrown out.  I was livid.  For me, so many of them where childhood memories.  Why would anyone think they weren't worth keeping.  When I moved my mom and dad out of their home they had lived in for over 40 years, I didn't let that happen.  Then again, there was only me.

When life has no meaning, is there truly a reason left to live?  When life has a meaning, what then?

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