I arrived home late the evening of October 9th. Spending time with my children are moments I will cherish. I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up the next morning it wasn't long when my phone rang and it showed "dad" was calling. I had no idea that a nightmare was about to begin.
I missed the call and phoned back immediately with no answer. Thinking he had gone to the bathroom, I waited 5 minutes and called again. There was still no answer. A few minutes later the phone rang. I didn't even think about the time change of 2 hours when the phone rang. Jet lag, or just shear exhaustion of running all week, it just didn't hit me. However when I said hello daddy, and it wasn't his voice, there's that split second you think it is a wrong number. However the voice was the cook from the assisted living home, and she stated that dad had fallen and was taken to the hospital. I knew it was bad because of her voice. If ever you have had that deepest fear, I think that is what overcame myself at that moment. I hung up, looked at my daughter and stated I needed to get home and would probably be back to catch another plane to get back home.
Who do you call? It is a long weekend in Canada and the only person I could think of who would be home was the old neighbour, however, I didn't have his phone number. Then the thought of did anyone call mom? Distraught starts to set in. Calling the hospital would give me no answers and I knew that. So the neighbour received my call and he was more than willing to go. The call back later was that he had shattered his shoulder in 3 places and was in a lot of pain. They were transferring him from St Paul's to RUH. I spoke to mom who I could tell in her voice I needed to be home. I scheduled my flight for the next day.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Where to Begin - The week of October 2, 2010
So much has happened it is hard to know where to begin since the last blog.
Flying home to see mom and dad. It is such a joyous occasion, especially for me, but hard when you look at how thin and old they are getting. I don't feel any older, but the realization is there.
There will be a lot of personal thoughts in these next few blogs, basically for my children, in hopes that it helps understanding the true meaning of life.
It's always amazing how when I arrive at dad's, the first thing he says is you need to go see your mom. There is so much love he has for her. Something that is lost in the day and age, although every now and then I think I see it in a couple. Relationships are something you don't take for granted, perservere, listen, understand, communicate, compromise and love each other.
Instead, I talked with dad, went through all this paperwork with him, listened to him about how he wanted things done, and then said let's go see mom and go out and get some borsch!
He's so wobbly, and watching him go down the hallway with his walker I try to hide my tears. I never thought of or imagined my parents aging. Have I ever truly thanked them for being the best parents in the world to me?
I spend my days back and forth with both of them and with them both together with me. Talking to dad about going into a personal care home and getting it set up while I am home is agreeable to him. I also spoke to his cancer specialist, Dr. Pearson, who took over a 1/2 hour with me on the phone on Tuesday, listened to my concerns, answered my questions and who agreed to meet both dad and I on Thursday when he would go for another transfusion.
I took mom shopping for a day, dad out to play the slots and enjoy those things that neither of them can do on their own. We smile, laugh and enjoy all our time together. I still feel it is not enough for all they have done for me in the past. It was truly enjoyable taking them both out together for lunch. I have no idea when the last time was that we all were able to go to a restaurant and enjoy family time.
Thursday was one of those days I would rather remove from my mind. Taking dad to the clinical cancer research department. I grabbed a wheelchair and wheeled him down the long ramp into the hospital and towards admitting, then off we go. Is this really father daughter time? Him so concerned about me pushing him, and me saying there is no problem. There truly is not much too him.
As he gets up onto the bed and they start the procedure, I grab a warm blanket to put on him. He lays there shaking and I wish I could help. He is like a small child not knowing what to expect next. Dr. Pearson comes in and sits down and talks to dad. He explains the reason for the chemo drug dad was put on, and the expectations of down the road. Dad states that when the time comes he needs transfusions every day, he doesn't want to live like that. Why is it I tear up and my dad is so brave? The doctor has such a great compassionate way of talking to us and takes over half an hour to ensure everything is looked at, explained and understood. I truly wish more doctors were as he is.
Because dad was sick on Wednesday, I had to go to the personal care home on my own. It is right across the street from mom which would enable him to walk over to the nursing home to see her. However, I discussed how they assist or transport from the personal care home knowing that dad would have difficulty making that short walk. He is so independent.
After we were done at the hospital, dad said he would go take a look at the personal care home. I had the day before put his name on "the list". This means we wait and how long you never know. How I hate this. Dad takes a quick tour, knowing when I look at him he is tired. He has such a hard time getting in and out of the car, and struggles going up and down stairs, and even down the hallways in the care home. Jenna, the supervisor, asks dad if he wants to go in where they are doing a "sing a long" with the other residents. Dad says he can't sing. She took him by the hand, smiled and said she couldn't either with some friendly words that were very warm, and dad walked into the room with her and started to sing. My heart broke and again the tears welled in my eyes. The kindness of one person taking my dad and making him feel so very special was so enlightening.
Later that day we discussed whether or not he had an obituary written. What a horrible thing to bring up in conversation, but mom wanted to know and if not, at least I help prepare. He didn't. It wasn't as hard as I had imagined it would be. He discussed some facts about the war I never knew, not to be part of his obituary, but giving me more insight into his life. I learnt many things, and we went to see mom and continued our conversation.
Because I was leaving Saturday, I needed to get a few more things done. Being who I have been brought up to be, I went to a card shop and picked out a card for mom and a card for dad. It took longer than I thought, but I knew what I was looking for and found them.
Friday night I took dad out for supper and off to the harness races, some place he loved and hadn't been able to enjoy for quite a long time. We took in 3 races and he started to shake. It was getting somewhat cool out. I took my coat off and put it on him and he still continued to shake. He did not want to leave he wanted to see another race. He was doing so well and had an opportunity to see a lot of his old friends. I went to the car, got out a blanket and another coat, and took them back and put them on him. I hugged him and tried to warm him but it didn't help. He continued to shake, so I told him we needed to go. He agreed after the fourth race.
My flight Saturday was a late afternoon flight, which enabled me to see mom, leave a card in her basket, tell her I loved her and would see her again soon, and off to dad's before my ride picked me up. The nice thing was, the old neighbour had called dad and said he was going to take him with us to the airport and then take him to his home for lunch. I hadn't had an opportunity to say so long to my dad at the airport for so many years, holding back the tears were hard. I had left a card on his dresser for him.
This was such a happy week, a great week, and one thing we should all realize. You never know what may transpired come tomorrow.
Every cloud has a silver lining. I truly hope this week lingers in my mind for the remaining of my days. I don't know what it was that made me need to go back home when I did, but I am so thankful I did. I only wish I had more time, or maybe, just never left.
Flying home to see mom and dad. It is such a joyous occasion, especially for me, but hard when you look at how thin and old they are getting. I don't feel any older, but the realization is there.
There will be a lot of personal thoughts in these next few blogs, basically for my children, in hopes that it helps understanding the true meaning of life.
It's always amazing how when I arrive at dad's, the first thing he says is you need to go see your mom. There is so much love he has for her. Something that is lost in the day and age, although every now and then I think I see it in a couple. Relationships are something you don't take for granted, perservere, listen, understand, communicate, compromise and love each other.
Instead, I talked with dad, went through all this paperwork with him, listened to him about how he wanted things done, and then said let's go see mom and go out and get some borsch!
He's so wobbly, and watching him go down the hallway with his walker I try to hide my tears. I never thought of or imagined my parents aging. Have I ever truly thanked them for being the best parents in the world to me?
I spend my days back and forth with both of them and with them both together with me. Talking to dad about going into a personal care home and getting it set up while I am home is agreeable to him. I also spoke to his cancer specialist, Dr. Pearson, who took over a 1/2 hour with me on the phone on Tuesday, listened to my concerns, answered my questions and who agreed to meet both dad and I on Thursday when he would go for another transfusion.
I took mom shopping for a day, dad out to play the slots and enjoy those things that neither of them can do on their own. We smile, laugh and enjoy all our time together. I still feel it is not enough for all they have done for me in the past. It was truly enjoyable taking them both out together for lunch. I have no idea when the last time was that we all were able to go to a restaurant and enjoy family time.
Thursday was one of those days I would rather remove from my mind. Taking dad to the clinical cancer research department. I grabbed a wheelchair and wheeled him down the long ramp into the hospital and towards admitting, then off we go. Is this really father daughter time? Him so concerned about me pushing him, and me saying there is no problem. There truly is not much too him.
As he gets up onto the bed and they start the procedure, I grab a warm blanket to put on him. He lays there shaking and I wish I could help. He is like a small child not knowing what to expect next. Dr. Pearson comes in and sits down and talks to dad. He explains the reason for the chemo drug dad was put on, and the expectations of down the road. Dad states that when the time comes he needs transfusions every day, he doesn't want to live like that. Why is it I tear up and my dad is so brave? The doctor has such a great compassionate way of talking to us and takes over half an hour to ensure everything is looked at, explained and understood. I truly wish more doctors were as he is.
Because dad was sick on Wednesday, I had to go to the personal care home on my own. It is right across the street from mom which would enable him to walk over to the nursing home to see her. However, I discussed how they assist or transport from the personal care home knowing that dad would have difficulty making that short walk. He is so independent.
After we were done at the hospital, dad said he would go take a look at the personal care home. I had the day before put his name on "the list". This means we wait and how long you never know. How I hate this. Dad takes a quick tour, knowing when I look at him he is tired. He has such a hard time getting in and out of the car, and struggles going up and down stairs, and even down the hallways in the care home. Jenna, the supervisor, asks dad if he wants to go in where they are doing a "sing a long" with the other residents. Dad says he can't sing. She took him by the hand, smiled and said she couldn't either with some friendly words that were very warm, and dad walked into the room with her and started to sing. My heart broke and again the tears welled in my eyes. The kindness of one person taking my dad and making him feel so very special was so enlightening.
Later that day we discussed whether or not he had an obituary written. What a horrible thing to bring up in conversation, but mom wanted to know and if not, at least I help prepare. He didn't. It wasn't as hard as I had imagined it would be. He discussed some facts about the war I never knew, not to be part of his obituary, but giving me more insight into his life. I learnt many things, and we went to see mom and continued our conversation.
Because I was leaving Saturday, I needed to get a few more things done. Being who I have been brought up to be, I went to a card shop and picked out a card for mom and a card for dad. It took longer than I thought, but I knew what I was looking for and found them.
Friday night I took dad out for supper and off to the harness races, some place he loved and hadn't been able to enjoy for quite a long time. We took in 3 races and he started to shake. It was getting somewhat cool out. I took my coat off and put it on him and he still continued to shake. He did not want to leave he wanted to see another race. He was doing so well and had an opportunity to see a lot of his old friends. I went to the car, got out a blanket and another coat, and took them back and put them on him. I hugged him and tried to warm him but it didn't help. He continued to shake, so I told him we needed to go. He agreed after the fourth race.
My flight Saturday was a late afternoon flight, which enabled me to see mom, leave a card in her basket, tell her I loved her and would see her again soon, and off to dad's before my ride picked me up. The nice thing was, the old neighbour had called dad and said he was going to take him with us to the airport and then take him to his home for lunch. I hadn't had an opportunity to say so long to my dad at the airport for so many years, holding back the tears were hard. I had left a card on his dresser for him.
This was such a happy week, a great week, and one thing we should all realize. You never know what may transpired come tomorrow.
Every cloud has a silver lining. I truly hope this week lingers in my mind for the remaining of my days. I don't know what it was that made me need to go back home when I did, but I am so thankful I did. I only wish I had more time, or maybe, just never left.
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